The Adventures of Sanic
by FavesFanfics
Summary: One of the most f**ked up Sonic fanfics (That's probably not true but I like to call it that)
1. Sanic and Friends

Once upon a time, I mean, One day... Sanic was surfing the internet when suddenly... he found the official SEGA forums! He was excited for this, so he logged right then. Then, a ton of people assumed he was a troll and happily banned him. "What the hell?" Sanic exclaimed.

He was starting to get pissed. "Why the fuck would they do this!?" He was starting to yell. "I'm an authority figure, goddammit!"

He got so pissed he eventually punched his computer. He realized his rage was over nothing, and the SEGA Forums figures the banner was a hacking troll. He started to calm down. "Damn it. Well, I'm gonna go do something productive now."

Then he sat himself down straight onto the couch. He picked up the remote with such brash, he almost broke it. He lifted up a thumb ever so slightly, pushed the finder over the red button labeled "Power" and pressed it without a care. Suddenly, his TV screen lit up, like a Christmas Tree that's sitting in a fire. Teils must have left Disney on because he eyes were suddenly assaulted with shitty sitcoms. After finally ending, the holy grail of current Disney came on. Gravity Falls. Sanic's eyes were glued to the television. He couldn't take them away. The show was so witty and charming it was like it put you under a paralyzation spell when you were watching.

Then, Phineas and Ferb came on. You finally came to your senses and changed it because the plot is getting stale. Channel 101: The Hub, you change it to that. It has a marathon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. You decide to give the show a chance, since Teils used to whine his ass of to get to watch it. It was beautiful. The colors, the plot, the other plot (if you know what I mean), the characters, the presentation, it was all simply amazing. You get caught up until your hear a knock on your door.

"Whooo iiiis iiiiit?" Sanic chimed. The door slammed open. It was Knockles. "Knockles, what are you doing here?" Sanic was was holding something orange. It looks a but familiar.

"I'm fucking angry!" Knockles bellowed. "Your little piece of shit sidekick went looking through my porn collection." Sanic immediately knew what the mysterious orange object was. It was Teils.

"Teils! What'd I say about looking through Knockles porn!?" Sanic was yelling.

"Please... more..." Teils was desperate for more porn.

Sanic was at least calming down. "Dude, do you know what pr0n does to you?" Sanic gestured at Knockles. "Just look at him!" Knockles beat the sh*t out of Sanic for saying that. "No, screw you, I am PERFECT!"

Knockles yelled. Sanics nose was starting to bleed. "Stooooop!"

Sanic was helpless now. He enraged Knockles, and he knows Teils is too much of a bitch to help. "No, fuck you!" Knockles then masturbated over Sanic. Then he covered Sanic's face with semen. Sanic threw up all over Knockles. "...you win this round, bitch." Then Knockles stormed off.

"That was scary!" Teils exclaimed. "Go to your room." Sanic said flatly. Teils happily followed his orders.

Sanic wiped the now-dry blood and cum from his face. He decided to go outside, so out the door he went. Teils was in his room. "Can I come out now!?" He shouted, but with no answer. "Ok!" Teils then waiting for approval.


	2. Fun Times with Sanic

Sanic was outside, minding his own business, when he saw a playground. "Oh, fuck yeah." He knew what he was gonna do.

He went over to the Ice Cream man and paid him $178 dollars if he let him use the cart, so the Ice Cream man took the money, then happily declined, like the dick he is. Sanic got pissed again. He beat the little piece of shit up and stole his uniform. Sanic went near a tree, and pulled his pants down. He got out a knife from his pockets, and carefully cut a round hole. He rammed his cock into the hole. The cold Ice Cream was painful, but only added to Sanic's massive dick.

He carefully slid his cart up the playground, with his extended dick. "Hey, kids!" He called out. "Free ice cream!" All the kids perked up and ran fucking Mach 9 towards Sanic.

The kids reached in the bin and pulled out the popsicles, and eventually partially exposing his big blue dick. A kid immediatley gripped his johnson, and yanked it. "This is a weird looking popsicle." The kid said.

"It's specially made" Sanic lied. "It appears to be frozen. Why don't to you try and get it out for me?"

The kid pulled, and pulled, and yanked, and squeezed, Sanic couldn't take it anymore, and came on the little kid. "Uh..." The kid was sill processing what the hell was going on.

"It's specially made" Sanic repeated. "Sometimes it can shoot cream all over the place."

The kid tried his hardest to win against Sanic's hardest. "Oh, i'm sorry, It appears you can't get it out. Why don't you try again? Anyone who has the popsicle gets a free tour of the popsicle factory!

Encouraged by this, the kid tried his absolute best to acheive Sanic's diamond dick. Sanic just simply had enough. He came all over the kid again. Then he heard a voice "I'll have some..." Sanic looked up from the struggling kid. It was Emy! "Can I try?" Emy asked the struggling kid. The kid nodded.

Emy gripped onto Sanic's boner, and pulled so hard she TORE OFF his dick. "OH FUCK, WHY!?" Emy was worried" I'M SO SORRY!

What was left of his dick was oozing with blood and cum. The kid went over to his mom and threw up all over her. Then he passed out. The Mom saw what happened, and went over and slapped Sanic. Then she called 911. The medics arrived and carried Sanic and his dismmbered dick to the hospital. The kid never woke up again.

At the hospital, they reattached Sanic's dick. Then the Doctor was there to bring the devestating news. "Just tell me, Doc." Sanic pleaded. "Is my dick gonna be alright?

The Doctor looked through a couple pages. "Your penis is gonna be alright" Sanic was releived to hear this "BUT... you can never cum again. The amount of semen that poured out was the last you had."

Sanic was devestated. "NOOOOOOOOO!" He shouted.

There was another knock on the door. "Who is it?" Sanic said. The door opened to see Teils and Rebutnik. Teils was obviously crying. "Oh. YOU two."

Rebutnik was holding some flowers "I'm sorry for you and your pingas."

Sanic was starting to get pissed "Augh. HERE we go again. Quit saying pingas and use an ACTUAL, ENGLISH term, like dick or cock or boner o-"

"Sanic, please." The Doctor intterupted.

"And Teils, stop being a bitch and quit cr-" Sanic started to say.

"Sanic, PLEASE!" You could hear the anger in his voice now.

Sanic felt a little bad. "Sorry."

After a few days, Sanic was out of the hospital. "Glad that's over, but the duct tape is really itchy" He couldn't stop scratching his balls.

"Come on over here and sit down on the couch." Teils invited Sanic.

Sanic sat down next to Teils. Teils turned on the TV to see The Hub playing My Little Pony. "Funny." Teils said. "I don't remember leaving it to this." He looked at Sanic. "You finally watched it, didn't you?" Teils asked.

"Uh... I-I decided to, I w-was bore-" Sanic stuttered. "I-I d-d-didn't me-I punched your computer." Sanic finally got out.

"WHAT!?" Teils was pissed now. He checked his Mac to see the screen broken. "FUCK YOU!"

"Hey!" Sanic warned "Language, mis-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH" Sanic didn't always have the best reputation among his buddies.

"Sorry?" Sanic tried to apolagize, but was worried Teils might masturbate over him as well.


	3. Late Night Sanic

Sanic got an extreme boner that night. So extreme you could name him Diamond Dick. Then Sanic's aformentioned "Diamond Dick" could talk. He said "This is not going into the story".

Sanic freaked the fuck out and tore his dick off, much like Emy did. Then he woke up. "Oh god..." Sanic said "IS THAT REALLY WHAT I THINK ABOUT!?"

Sanic then found Rebutnik next to him. "Lemme touch your pingas. Just once." He said lustfully.

Sanic screamed and punched him so hard Rebutnik threw up all over Sanic. "Get me a paper towel" Rebutnik pleaded.

"Um..." Sanic left, because the situation was getting weird.

He left and went downstairs, turned on the TV, and started to watch MLP. "My Little Pony..." He started to sing along.

"A-HA!" Teils jumped out from behind the cabinet.

Sanic looked like a constipated guy who just ate a bowl of beans "OH GOD WOAH!"

"I KNEW YOU WERE WATCHING PONIES!" Accused Teils.

"I-I-I didn't me-I was just curiou-" Sanic sputtered. He didn't know how to respond. "I downloaded several thousand terabytes of porn onto your new computer" Sanic admitted.

"WHAT!?" Teils raeged again. He looked a his computer to see it was still loading the MLP page he tried to get on hours ago. "WHAT THE FUCK, SANIC!? I JUST BOUGHT THAT PEICE OF SHIT!"

"Um..." Sanic was still afraid he might get another faceful of semen. "Yeah, I watch My Little Pony now."

"KNEW IT!" Teils shouted

"Hey sexy!" Sanic heard from upstairs. "When are we gonna get it back on?"

Teils was confused "Who was that...? It sounded like a... MAN!"

"Teils, it's not what you think." Sanic tried too tell Teils this, but he knew he couldn't be trusted.

"Sanic, you're gay now arn't you?" Teils asked.

"NO!" Sanic tried his best to convince Teils, but he only added to Teils' suspicions. "I-I mean, I had a lot to drink so you think..."

Teils got on the best pedo look he could pull off. "Oh yeah, you were drinking alright..."

"Teils that's not funny." Sanic said.

"You're right, it's not..." Teils said "IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS!"

Sanic was starting to get even more pissed. He starting beating Teils up. "THAT IS NOT FUNNY! YOU HEAR ME!? THAT IS NOT FUNNY!"

"Okay! Okay! Stop...!" Teils pleaded. Sanic came to his senses and stopped.

"Sorry, Teils" Sanic apologized. "But you know better than to piss me off."

"Did you get that, Knockles?" Teils said?

"Yep!" Knockles responded from behind the counter. "But your pedo look was a little blurry. I'M PUTTIN' THITS SHIT ON THE YOUTUBE!"

Teils glared at him "Right after a give it to the police..."

"Good boy." Teils said as he patted Knockles on the head. "Now be an even better boy and fetch me the newspaper."

"But-" Knockles started.

"I SAID FETCH ME THE GODDAMN NEWSPAPER!" Teils shouted. Knockles didn't have a choice now. He ran off whimpering. "Ah, he was a bitch anyways." Teils said.

"He's not femal-" Sanic said.

"HE IS IF I SAY SO, FUCKER!" Teils shouted at Sanic. Sanic got scared. He ran back up into his bedroom, forgetting that Rebutnik was still in it.

"Sup." Rebutnik said.

"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU GAY COCKNOCKER!" Sanic yelled with tears in his eyes.

Rebutnik scurried out of there. "OKAY, OKAY! Geez, I have gay sex with a straight friend, now I'M the bed guy."

Sanic got to his closet to get his jammies, and suddenly Bog appeared. "HELLO!" Bog greeted. "Have you seen my froggy?"

"Who the hell are you?" Asked Sanic.

"I'm Bog the Cet! Have you seen my froggy?" Bog repeated.

Sanic had seen enough surprises for one night."No. Now shut the hell up and go away." Bog replied with an "Ok" and skipped off.

Sanic was so tired after the past weak (YES I SPELLED THAT RIGHT), so he needed some genuine rest. He climbed into bed, hoping tomorrow would be a NORMAL day. But, boy, was he wrong...


	4. Virtual Sanic

Sanic woke up with an extreme boner. His member looked longer than he remembered. Sanic took a huge shit, got out of bed, then put on his pair of sweat pants. His boner was as obvious as a black man. He then went into his car and drove. He didn't know where her was going. He dozed off. He eventually woke up upside-down on some guys roof. Then he fell off and landed on an old guy. It killed him.

"I'm sorry..." Then he spotted something... "HEY, VIDEO GAMES!" He ran over to then quickly. "Ah, it's just a bunch of shitty Atari 5200 games." He spotted a certain game titled "Hot and Steamy". "Wha...?" Sanic questioned it. He took it and ran away.

When he finally got home, he took the game out, went downstairs and popped the game into his old Atari 5200 he owned when he wanted to kill himself. It was a porn game. It showed a realistic-as-an-atari-5200-can-get naked lady. The controller somehow worked.

The game involved you to go around the streets and have sex with as many people as you can, and at some points, people would kick you out. The game was glitchy at several times. If you had sex with 100 people, you'd get a prize. Or so I heard. The quality of voices on these types of systems are shit. His virtual sex slave had humped 99 people, but if only he was able to. Everyone was kicking him out. And the more people who kicked him out, the more glitchier the game got.

"You won" Sanic heard. The quality sounds like Sanic shat it out his crusty ass himself. "What?" Sanic was confused. Why would the game tell him to intercourse 100 times if he needed 99 sexy times to win?

Teils was up in his room. "Hm, I havn't seen Sanic all day..." He's probably in the basement destroying his cock again. I guess i'll try out some of that 'porn' on his computer now". Teils went to Sanic's computer and did just that. He almost wore out his dick. He couldn't take it tho. His dick came all over Sanic's room. I beleive some got down onto the living room, but behind the TV where Sanic couldn't find it if he tried.

Meanwhile, with Sanic, his porn game was still acting funny, and the woman was beyond kept pressing the 1 button, which was the button to enter a house. Eventually he was let in, but instead of the 2 people having fun, it looked like pink, yellow and green static. The HUD was still there, somehow, but the rest of the screen was fucking creeping him out.

All of a sudden the lady was there. The graphics looked slightly enhanced, like the game belonged to the NES. The graphics look a bit distorted, but her features are more prominent. The HUD is still there, but the background was white, and the lady was in front of everything, and by everything I mean the HUD and background, like she was about to come out of the screen and rape Sanic.

While Teils kept on his cum-splosions, The game produce a high pitch sound, while the lady dissapeared. The score was becoming a mess of numbers. Sanic's ears were near-bleeding. Then noise finally stopped while the game returned to normal. The lady was in the building, but she wasn't humping anyone. The only major diffrence Sanic could see that the Lady's stomache was bulging, like she was pregnant, and the graphics looked like Gamecube-quality.

Her naked-ness was even more prominent now. Her vagina was wide open and her boobs looked bigger. It looked like she was in a hopsital now. Then Sanic fogured it out. Her bulging stomache, the Hospital setting, she was gonna have a baby. He was walking down some more, then he pressed down on a corridor. It showed her having her baby in it's original Atari 5200 graphics.

The game then turned hyperrealistic while she raped her baby to death. It was fucking disgusting. Sanic almost threw up. The baby was covered in cum and she threw it down, it almost broke the floor. Then she ate the baby. Seeing the baby's insides and organs made Sanic throw up. Everywhere. As soon as the cutscene ended, the TV turned off.

Sanic was afraid of the game and he didn't want to see it ever again. He took it, went upstairs (Without noticing the mass amount of cum that somehow got downstairs), got in his car, drove to where he though the garage sale was (The dead old man was still there), and he chucked it out the window, and landed on the old guy square in the head. When he got back home we still didn't notice the cum, went downstairs, grabbed a hammer and smashed the TV and Atari 5200 to bits. When he got back upstairs he finally noticed the cum.

"TEILS, WHAT THE FUCK!?" Sanic shouted.

"Sorry!" Teils came in naked from upstairs.

"Teils, how the fuck did all of this semen get here!?" Sanic asked.

Teils looked a bit sorry. "I checked out porn on your computer."

Sanic got pissed. "TEILS." He shouted. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT PORN!? NOW CLEAN THIS MESS UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Teils did exactly that. Sanic had enough dicks and vaginas and cum. So he plopped down on the cum-covered couch and fell asleep.


	5. Party Sanic

When Sanic woke up, he was a sticky as shit, but the couch was clean. He thought that Teils already cleaned the massive cum up. Sanic got out of the couch and took a huge shit on Teils, lying in the middle of the floor. He checked the time, 7:45 PM. FUCK! He missed the repeat of Gravity Falls he usually catches the saturday after the actual episode airs. "Fuck it", he stated, then his phone started making noises like when Sanic shat on Teils a couple minutes ago.

"DAMNIT!" Sanic yelled. He checked his phone. It was his pal, Mareo. "dude" Sanic read out loud because he was a total douche. "u shuld totes cum to mah awesum party 2night, is gunna b 7:50 pm" Sanic snickered at how Mareo spelled "cum". Then again, I don't think Mareo ever passed English, but, truth in all, I don't give a fuck. Let's check up on Sanic.

He looked at the clock again. "7:49 PM'. He checked his wriswatch: "7:49:59". OH FUCK!

He went to his car he always leaves unlocked, unguarded, and pre-hotwired, just in case. He went in it, and drove it at Warp 9 with a 126-pack of extra-large, extra-buzz beers. About a couple seconds later he was at the door with Mareo opening it right then. "Oh haaaaaay!" He greeted. "Rite on tiem" He said in his usual, bad-grammar-ish way. "Cum rite on in" Sanic kept snickering on how he says/spells "Cum".

Upon entering, a few more guests arrived, including Sanic's happy fun-time piece-of-shit arch-enemy-sorta, Shedow. "GEE WILLIGERS!" Shedow announced in his too-cheery verve "THIS SURE IS A LOVELY SHINDIG YOU HAVE HERE!"

"Um thx" Mareo said.

A few more guests arrived, like Sanic's college roommate Dolan, and Mareo's pussy-ass bro, Leigi. "Hi" Leigi greeted Mareo, as his usual pussy-ass self.

An explosion of people came in, some Mareo didn't even invite. "WUT TEH HEIL IS GOIN AWN" Mareo said.

Then, Sanic found My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic playing on Mareo's TV. He couldn't contain his inner brony. He Sanic Boomed over there and sat right down next to the orange fella who put the show on. Upon landing did he finally know who the only orange-brony he knew was. "TEILS!" Sanic yelled.

"Oh, i'm not this 'Teils' guy you seek," Teils(?) said in a mysteriously low voice. "I'm..." Teils(?) turned around to reveal the goatee of the impostor. "TAYLZ!" Tayls announced. "But some people call me Mylz".

"Ohhh, kaaaaaay..." Sanic saw that the episode was "The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well". Sanic hated that episode and went off. He found the one-and-only Sonic, his more-famous impostor. "FUCK YOU, SONIC!" Sanic yelled.

"Woah, easy tiger." Sonic said.

Sanic's face flushed with raeg"YOU STOLE MY GODDAMN SPOTLIGHT!"

"Um... I was created about 25 years ago." Sonic stated. "And you are HOW old...?"

Sanic shut up. "That's what I thought." Sonic said. And left feeling quite triumphant.

Sanic searched the party some more. Even tho Mareo's house is so full a claustrophobic person wouldn't go 920 inches near it. He found an underage gaggle of little bitch kids. "Ah ha ha ha ha" Leigi said. He was laughing.

He was about to rape them when a brown blur of fur caught up and swooped them. He was only in sight for about a second, but something seemed off with his leg. But he didn't give a fuck. He was at a party and he wanted to get laid. Then he finally realized he was an ugly peice of fuck no one wanted.

Sanic got drunk that night and almost destroyed Mareo's house, even though it was near that state many times. He broke several bulbs with his fist, he urinated in a radiator, and threw up all over teh television, which was now playing Dan VS., a show about a pissed of little midget.

Sanic got home that night with a full erection and a tore-up paper saying he needed to stay at least 50 ft. from children and small aminals. "By god, you look like a wreck!" Teils said.

"I don't give a fuck. I had fun tonight, and that's all that matters..." Sanic said.

"Oh, and Sanic, Halloween is in about a week." Teils proclaimed

"FUCK." Sanic said.

He sped out into teh garage, piss-ass drunk, and sloppily set up everything, so it looked like his house was in a hurricane of cheap Halloween shit. "Good enough." Sanic said, so slurred it was almost unintelligable. (Look what you made me do I'm using big words now)

"I'm going upstairs to go masturbate" 14-year-old Teils said.

"Just don't shoot out an loads. Remember what happened lastt time?" Sanic said.

"Yeah, yeah, I won't do that anymore." Teils said, untruthfully.

It was about the time Sanic passed out is when Teils got his walls "painted" white.


End file.
